im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
