Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
