Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
