Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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