my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
