Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
