yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
