guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
