im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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