We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
