I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
