i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
