eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
