i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
