god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
