Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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