There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
