Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
