I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
