Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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