And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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