Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
