this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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