and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
