I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
