Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
