Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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