I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
