...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
