YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
