There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
home. puking in laundry basket.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
