Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize