Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
