Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
