i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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