I puked a lego.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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