just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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