So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
NoShamevember. You game?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
