Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize