Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
