Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
