Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
