maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
