So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
