It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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