I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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