I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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