I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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