Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
