have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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