Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
