I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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