i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
