She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didn't notice because vodka
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
