I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
