Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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