The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
