I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
