Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
