Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
