i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i think my cat just said my name.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
