It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
organizing the empties. That sober.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
