Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
