spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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