what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
