your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
