Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
