i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
