I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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