I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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