dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My bed smells like the plague
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
