i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize