You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize