Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
