I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
