I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
