i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
