these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
