i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
