it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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