17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
