Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
