Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
