what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
