apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
