I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
