I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize