speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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