the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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