We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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