Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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