As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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