Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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