idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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