six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
