It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
