You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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