my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
