Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
