Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize