I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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