Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
