could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
