I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
