im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Shame - the story of my life.
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