just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
