I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
