I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
only you would photoshop your dick
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
