she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
