I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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