Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize