I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
