I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
