I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
