I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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