no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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