My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
