I looked at my own cervix.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
