No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
