ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
