I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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