so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
