it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
