Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
