It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
