Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize