I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
