When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
