i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
