she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize