There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
