I just threw up on my dentist
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
