Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
