hotel room ftw
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
