So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
