I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize