Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
