can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
