just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize