hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize